a rant

yes, I am going to take a moment and abuse this somewhat public platform for the selfish purpose of airing my grievances. Actually just one grievance in particular. I am hoping it will be cathartic, maybe allow me to move on and not feel so preoccupied. It's a classic complaint really- nothing unique, original or profound- the weather.

It is now March 25, we are 5 full days into spring. Spring which means some rain, some clouds some sun, a range of temperatures... but hopefully all of them above freezing. Well here in Sarajevo we have not been so lucky. No, last night not only was it below zero (centigrade that is), but it was also snowing with a vengeance. I ventured forth regardless to see a friend who was only in town for a visit- and yes we were able to make the best of it. The evening was great. But under most other circumstances I probably would've stayed home last night with weather like that. It wasn't pretty picturesque snow- it was that heavy wet slushy snow which makes it necessary to run for cover.

Of course, another frustrating element in all this is that we have had some very beautiful days. Some very sunny days. Even some warm days! But now their memory only serves to tease us- a fleeting taste of what we still don't have with April only a week away. One day it went back and forth from sunny to snowing about 4 times, always changing within 2 minutes. What is one supposed to expect when stepping outside if the weather can be that erratic? Ack!

And yes, I know I sound like a broken record- anyone and everyone I've spoken to in the last month has had to hear about this subject. All of Sarajevo is struggling to find other things to talk about. We ask everyone we speak to in other places- "So how is the weather there?", wanting at least a tiny vicarious taste of something better. Or maybe to know about others who are suffering along with us in the agonizing wait for spring. I want to talk about something else now, really I do. This has gone on long enough.

A certain spiritual teacher who's book I am currently reading, says that often we want to feel bad in the present moment- that we look for things to complain about so we can say the past or the future was or will be better. He says that disliking the weather is our choice- it only affects us if we let it. Well, yes, if I really wanted to I could rise above my feelings of frustration about what is currently going on outside my window. But it would be an active process- whereas it does not require any effort to enjoy sunshine. I do not think it is my choice to enjoy sun and warmth- I simply feel it and I am happy. No extra thought required. It takes some extra mental work to be not unhappy about freezing precipitation falling from a gray sky on March 25th.

Ok. That is all. Rant complete. Thank you.

it's been awhile

Alright- so I haven't really written much lately. Sometimes it's because I feel there is too much to say, I am overwhelmed by all the activities, thoughts and trivialities I experience each day. But other times it is because I don't know what I would say about all these things- or if I'm really qualified to comment. The latest block for me was the simple exercise of going home for a month. Prior to going it was all I could think about- would I enjoy it? Would it be overwhelming? What sort of "reverse culture shock" would I experience? I think I can sum it up pretty easily- it was a month-long whirlwind. So many people to see after being away for so long, so much information to digest. Luckily, I don't think I had committed the mistake of expecting too much- and so my time did not fail to disappoint. I enjoyed every moment- but was still looking forward to my return to Sarajevo. I wanted to get back to a routine that wasn't so hectic- and a place where I currently have work and a purpose.

Well the return was harder than I expected. Snow blanketed a city that was still reeling from having it's gas supply cut off for several days the week before. It was the primary topic of conversation and I was more than pleased to have missed it (especially since our apartment is gas reliant). Additionally, I had been coasting at work as much as possible for the last 2 weeks I was here in December. We had just finished a series of concerts and I was feeling generally burnt out (see previous blog entry). Besides, when you haven't been home in 14 months its hard not to make it your focus when it's only 2 weeks away. And then actually being home was so- comfortable. My memories of friends and family and the other things I love had been getting just hazy enough that I hadn't anticipated how amazing it would be to just spend time with everyone. And so to come back here, and place an ocean and a continent between us all again, was not an easy thing.

I have now been back for almost a month- each time I talk to my parents they comment that it feels like its been forever. And yes, I suppose January/February is a particularly hard time to make a transition like this. Crummy weather (unless you've headed off to the southern hemisphere) and the general distance of spring makes one want to curl up and hibernate. Going out to socialize with friends and walking to get there (when you've just gotten used to driving everywhere again) seems like a major effort. Plus, you have to reestablish all your daily routines... and I happen to be someone who enjoys a good routine in a city that generally rebels against them.

But routine is returning... and once March arrives things will move more easily knowing that spring is coming. I also happen to have a second "job" now with the Mennonite Central Committee office here in Sarajevo. It is a place I really enjoy going and they've already provided me with several good projects. Sadly I can't say the same for MwB, but that's not really a surprise at this point. We will have concerts at the beginning of April, so for now this is what I will look forward to there.